a good life

after a few weeks of upheaval and another couple of weeks in disarray, I have finally found a minute to sit and do some catching up. we are finally feeling a bit settled in our little place, and I will post pictures of progress on our future residence as soon as I can upload them. it is scary progress. and if we can just get the bank to finalize our loan I will feel really excited about that progress. until that time I am still in knots and stalled in this holding pattern. one reason I haven't been anxiously blogging is simply that I worried I would just spew negative for days on end, and I just have to keep on that sunny side of the street if you know what I mean. so, the updates will be coming soon - oh the shivers I get.... but to all those (you know who you are) who have been going through withdrawl from hangin on my every word, I'm back and all is well.

originally, I thought I would title this post 156 - the number of unread emails in my inbox today. I've not checked my email in weeks, so 156 seemed totally manageable. as I set about reading and deleting email in said inbox I found a pleasant and very unexpected surprise. a very old friend from high school found me via the blog and said hello. what was so unexpected was that we had a falling out in high school and haven't spoken since. that note has kept me thinking all day. first of WOW, how after so many years did she happen to come across my blog? and gratitude for her kind words. and joy to get to glimpse into her happy life and see her beautiful family. and sadness, for not being a part of her life now because of my actions years and years ago. many people think of high school as those golden years before entering adulthood and the land of responsibility. I remember high school with severe disdain. not necessarily for the experience as a whole; but who I was during the experience, how I choose to act in several situations and react in others. it seems too simple now, looking back, what I would have done differently. the insecurities, so meaningless and fleeting. the studies and grades so easy to come by. the choices that would be no brainers. the places where I wish I had set my heart, the true examples I wished I had lived by. I realize that many of these mistakes made me who I am today - although there still are days I wonder about myself. but the thought that I constantly come back to is that had I actually lived the way I had been born to live - a daughter of God first, and a sister and friend to all those around me - I always feel certain it could only have made my life better. then I think of the opportunity I have to share my so called wisdom with my daughters, and I hope I can help them avoid at least some of the regrets.
several years ago - I took a happen stance opportunity to write this friend a note. I needed to ask her forgiveness for being less than the friend I wished I had been, the friend I wanted to be. I am so grateful she let me know she had received my heartfelt apology. in her comment she mentioned that she was glad to see I was living a good life, and I am happy for that thought. I feel so lucky that among all of those sad choices I made in high school, I was still fortunate enough to grow up, make better choices, and truly come to know what real happiness is.