this month has not been all I had originally hoped. This has not been my kind of Christmas, or maybe it has been and that is what has been so distressing. The month began with many resolutions and determinations to make this Christmas THE Christmas to pattern year after year. And then we had sadness rather than joy. We lost a dear sweet Grandmother to pancreatic cancer. Okay, a great reason to truly reflect on the season at hand and the reason for the celebration. Which for that week I did. After much preparation for her funeral, which needed to be perfect - and was, my Christmas prep flew out the chimney. So I allowed stress and frustration to replace joy and sweetness.
rather than enjoy and ponder this holiday I have been rushing and panicking. NOT my favorite thing to do. I had a long list of activities and lessons to share with our daughters to help them find the true spirit of Christmas, not just the santa spirit. out the door. I forgot to water our Beautiful Christmas Tree, dry and dead. We participated in a valuable service project, except they didn't participate I did it and they tagged along. Too much last minute shopping. Christmas cards will now be New Years cards. I could go on and on and on, but I think you have the picture of my Christmas. And I say MY Christmas because our girls were oblivious, except for the many threats that Santa ain't a stopping by, to the difference in our holiday. They got too many gifts and had a fabulous time with family. They had a great Christmas.
my apologies, I mean no offense, I do love Christmas and all its true and absolute meanings. But today, the day after Christmas all I feel like doing is having a good long cry. but why? is it because I forgot the reason for the season? no. is it because I lost a family member? not completely. is it because I feel like I failed as a mother, steward, example and teacher? bingo.
I feel like I failed in teaching our daughters the reason we celebrate. it was a mad rush of "what do you want for Xmas little girl?" and not enough "why do we celebrate CHRISTmas little girl?" not enough serving our fellow man and sharing the love that I know our Father in Heaven shares so willingly with us. I failed to LOVE like I should and want to. I failed to share traditions that show that LOVE. I forgot to focus on the LOVE that was given so freely for us when Christ was born to Mary in a lowly place. I forgot to impart the knowledge that with out the death of Christ His birth would be meaningless.
BUT, I also realize that because of HIS gift, I get a second chance. Christmas is not the only opportunity I have to share, teach, serve, LOVE. I can do that all day everyday. and I want to. So after a little cry, and maybe a nap, I will pick up the pieces of our dry and dead Christmas and while I do that I am going to do my best to plant the seeds that will grow into fond memories of Christmas's to come. and even better, strong testimonies of Truth and Light.
So HAPPY Day AFTER CHRISTMAS everyone - may all your days be filled with the wonder and light that IS our
SAVIOR and REDEEMER, JESUS CHRIST.
7 comments:
So sorry to hear about your grandma. Hope you still had a good time (I'm sure the girls still enjoyed it) We will look forward to your New Year's card!
I think we all feel a little like that. The difference is not a lot of people would admit to it. I am glad you did. I think we are all hard on ourselves when things don't go as planned. I happen to think you are great and wonderful and I think your girls will look back and have only good memories. I always look forward to the next Christmas when I can again instill things in my children's hearts and hope that something sticks by the time their grown. Hope you have a happy new year. Photo blog???
Man, it has been quit the holiday - my goal was to NOT by mall gifts. I wanted to stay away fromt that place and give thoughtful meaningful gifts. Well where did I end up? That's right, the mall.
I will say this though, the oportunity to be with family at Grandma's funeral, and to feel the spirit speak truth to us that we will be with her again makes the last minute mall shopping totally worth it.
Love you!
Amanda, I'm so sorry about your grandma. I know how much you love her. We love you and your family and you are always in our hearts and prayers. We tried to tone things down this year and focus on Christ too. And yet, there always seems to be too much emphasis placed on the stuff, despite our best intentions. I'm not sure how to strike the balance where your kids are actually participating in the true spirit of Christmas instead of just watching mom do all the work. I sort of decided that as they get older, they will understand more?
We thought this year would be so totally different living in Africa amidst poverty and need. Nope, we still overdid on gifts and we still struggled to get the true meaning across; I think it is the ever real struggle, but it is a worthy struggle, so we will continue...I do see that as our kids grow a little older they do seem to get it a little better...and the younger ones seem to follow the lead of their older siblings, so hopes are high as we continue year after year.
The great thing about Christmas and the spirit of Christmas is that it isn't just one day - there is always next year and really we should be working on charity all the time. Nope, I didn't get my cards done and I didn't give as much as I would have liked, but I did what I could and you know what, suprising someone with a card two weeks after Christmas will still make them happy, perhaps more so. As far as the children. Franz and I have noticed that this year there was a marked difference in our girls, for the first time it seemed the giving was taking importance over the getting. These things take time and maturity. Every year you get a little closer - and then they have their own kids!You are a great Mother and I know Heavenly Father does not intend Christmas to be a guilt trip for his daughters. Take a sigh and enjoy this time.
Love you,
Serena
This Christmas was totally different for all of us and for many reasons, my Mom's passing away the biggest. It is hard for me to hear you being so down on yourself ,Amanda. But I so remember feeling the very same way many Christmas'in a row. But as Serina and Michelle said...it takes time. As the girls get older you will see what a great job you have done, not just at Christmas time...but for all time.
You are a great person and a great Mom, and you are very giving. You give to me daily and I appreciate you so much. Thank you for the extra help you give me with Alex, and the phone calls to see if I need anything from the store you are going to,.or if I need any extra help etc. Thanks for so much more. There will be more Christmas' but even more important there will always be the spirit of Christmas in our daily lives...and it is with you. We love you Amanda! (and I am glad to know you did not get your Christmas cards out ...I thought you just forgot me! Happy New Year Cards are GREAT!)
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